Drunk Blog News and Rant

by godfather

Okay, I basically run this place, that’s cool n’ shit. But man, you guys are so much better drunken bloggers than I am. This is kind of embarrassing, I mean I fucking built this house. Besides, I get hammered for the sole purpose of relaying you information about the site, how bad ass is that?

Big shout out to my best friends wilkdaddy, zombie and soup, mucho appreciate the drunken thoughts. Mucho? It kind of means “much”. That’s mexican my friend.

What’s changed on the drunk blog?

The answer is not too fucking much. First of all, that random password this is a thing of the past thanks to this post.

“ju89kjMN” what? Try “needleringostarr” instead. Much better. Or perhaps “mantoothpaste” or “ringostarrspoon” (coincidence, honestly). In case you are curious, click here for an example of one of the possible password combinations. Just hit refresh for a new one. Entertainment?

Math Revue (fuck off guy with a knowledge beyond spell check):

I have 527 words possible in the list (for now). Since I just randomly combine two words from the list together to make your password, there is a total combination of 5272 assuming we don’t care about repeats. That’s a grand total of 277,729 different combinations. Wanna brute force? Fine, I’ll ban your IP. Geek cred.

PS: Don’t think 277,729 combos is enough? I can try 146,363,183 combos with three words stringed via 5273. Let me know in the comments. Your peace of mind is absolute.

I’ve also added a rating system.

You’ll also notice that I’ve added a rating system. This is to vote on the usefulness (unlikely) of a post vs. the uselessness (very likely) of a post. The highest rated post every week will be listed in the sidebar along with the top ten from 2 months. If ten seems too a fucking normal number, we will modify it to whatever the 18th comment recommends, case settled. No argument.

I’ve also added a new welcome message.

For the first 3 times you visit the drunk blog, you’ll see a message welcoming you, encouraging you to sign up and encourageing you to post. For the next 7 times, you’ll see a message welcoming you back, and ecouraging you to post. I am thinking about adding an unlimited number for the welcome you back but a quick link to opt out of the (sometimes) annoying message. Again, the comments will tell the story.

And so forth…

And finally I get to the meat of the issue. No more work.

I’ve often wondered what the fuck the deal was with cocaine. I’m not interested in it but in the same way I wonder about supermodels I would bang, what super coke fiends would I snort with? Let’s say:

  • Tim Allen
  • George Clooney (not Batman George Clooney)
  • Robert Downey Jr.
  • Bob Saget

They’d all be awesome. Wikipedia their asses for info.

Once I also shot a deer in the heart, I would imagine that coke would only have improved the adolescent satisfaction I felt. It probably deserved it in a way, I mean, who among us are innocent? Rumor has it that Bambi raped children so I don’t know what to tell you, you sick Bambi loving freaks. What a perfect cover.

I once got into a fight with the ground. It was a general gravity/personal indifference misunderstanding. He was all like “I weight 13,170,856,500,000,000,000,000,000 lbs” (sober correction: I forgot a 0) and I was all like “I weigh 190 lbs”. Strangely, I lost. Something about a 32.17 feet/second pull of gravity did me in. I still have the scar. Fuck Earth.

I also enjoy being so blacked out that I forget what happened. The next day, I like to play “drunk detective” and figure out what happens. Usually that means calling my girlfriend and apologizing and then downing 13 shots of Svedka. Also, I can’t wait to act Russian in Keystone resort. Rosetta stone, here I fucking come.

Scapegoat alcohol

by peepants

The only reason I keep drinking is so that I have something to blame my behavior on. A couple of times I fucked up and didn’t drink before I did/said/wrote something stupid and I had to be truthful in that I don’t have to be drunk to do and say certain things. I just want the right to do/say/be/think/write what the fuck I want without bullshit thrown back in my face. And ’cause I like it.

Well, I don’t want to break the rules, so I’ll open that Mickey’s tall boy in the back of my fridge. Actually, I forgot it was there.

Everyone I know, who is interesting, drinks.

Gulp, sip, sip. I should learn to sip my beer.

Gosh, that is good and refreshing! Beer, when left in the refridge for a long time, is at it’s best. It’s not superficially cooled. This one was in the ‘fridge for about a week or two because I forgot about it The last beer or the forgotten beer is always the best. That is the beer that hides behind the mayo or under the lettuce or next to the rotting cucumber with slime oozing out of the bruise. I hate slimy, decaying veggies.

Or too lazy/fat/drunk/stupid to bend all of the way down to look thoroughly in the ‘fridge.

And although it is before noon, beer–even a malt liquor such as Mickey’s–is okay to drink. Mostly because I fkn say it is. Mood swings, uggh.

I like to do it when I drink. The canned version doesn’t have those freakin’ puzzles on it. You can determine your drunkenness by that dumb ass puzzle-especially if you save it and figure it out when you are sober. If you can’t figure it out then, well whatever.

A shot of whiskey wouldn’t hurt but I ain’t gettin’ up to go get it.

Now, I’m watching the news.

Why the fk would an appearance on SNL help Sarah “MILF-of-the-year” Palin get votes? How the f can you watch TV out on the street? Why would you care about SNL then? You need a TV and a place to sit. You gotta buy at least one drink sittin’ at a bar and tip well to get them to turn to SNL. (Depending on where you drink.)

I’m becoming a mean drunk.

All that damn money and banks still won’t loan. A lot of people will soon be drinking. Give up and drink. I wonder what goes through the mind of those who are in charge of this money bailout crap? Do they drink?

Naw, I bet they get high–weed and coke. I’m a lightweight–half a beer buzz and that’s it.

Take one down, pass it around

by wilkdaddy
  • Published:October 22nd, 2008
  • Comments:2 Comments
  • Category:Loony Bin
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99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.  Fuck, that’s a lot of beer. 

How do you put beer on a wall, anyway?  I’ve thought many times about it, only been able to safely blog about it now.

Is the shit just sitting in glasses on an arrangement of shelves?  cuz that’s a waste of beer.  gets flat.  And what the fuck kinda weird party are you at that you’re sitting around, passing around glasses of flat beer to each other, drinking out of the same glasses?  Weird fucks.  At least play some music or something.  I don’t picture girls when i picture this scene. 

But shit, if you can kill off 99 beers in one night, koodos to you.  how many people are in this room if you can finish 99 beers?  Let’s say an average college-aged male can finish 10 drinks without throwing his groceries into the kitchen sink (AVERAGE, guys, chill out…) that’s like 10 guys, drinking 10 beers each, sitting in a circle enjoying each other’s company…uh oh, it’s magic…

And these guys are seemingly so fuckin bored that they have nothing better to do than sit around and count the number of beers they have still magically stuck to their wall.  Still can’t explain that one.  I keep my ice cold Samuel Adams in a fridge, not stuck to my bedroom wall with super glue.  Idiots.  I like my beer in a home with friends setting, a crowded bar setting, not a circle of morons with beer glued to the wall.   and maybe i’m a douche, but i never share my shit.  get your own, dammit. 

So you’ve probably gathered 10 guys to indulge in your wall beer…at best.  in reality, it’s probably like 12 or 13  guys…(that’d be like 7 or 8 beers each…)…and really, i don’t see many chicks when i imagine this little party.  I do picture party hats though.  And all you do is pass around warm, bacteria-infected wall beer.  I wouldn’t keep good beer on a wall, nor would any regular beer enthusiast.  So you’re probably drinking piss beer, natty ice or something.  And you probably didn’t even pay for it, you mooch.  i hate people like you.  If you’re gonna join in on your piss beer wall drinking party with no girls, at least pay your part.  Or get out. 

If someone goes to the bathroom, does that ruin the “passing around?”  99 beers, you better not lose your pace, or you’ll be drinking piss beer all night.

So if you find yourself playing this game, think back to the last time you got laid.  Still thinking?  I thought so.  because this is a pretty lame game.  You’re better off keeping your beer in the fridge, unless you think of a way to keep it on the wall AND cold.  You’d be king of the party poopers.  Congrats.

And oh yeah, yay tuesday.  I need no other reason to celebrate.

PABST- OSERVATIONS AT THE BAR

by mdavfc

P - pratt sitting next to me.

A- assholes giving me shit.

B- bitchy waitress.

S- sloppy lite weights.

T- tired ass pick-up lines

OH well at least  I’ m piss drunk

P.S. sorry for the endorsement.

Dibble

by wilkdaddy

The password they give you is REALLY hard to type after you’re rounding 14 drinks of whiskey.  Don’t judge me now, c’mon…even the bike cop was laughing as we attempted to walk home.

The bartender is way too hot, honestly..not even fair.  Flirting is a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen, believe me.  And she works for tips…probably has herpes.  Dammit, i still tipped her.  Now my money has herpes.  I didn’t like that money anyway.

Drunchies….drunk + munchies.  taquitos…glorious.  tastes even better with huey lewis on the radio.

I think my roommate just ralphed.  probably for the better, makes me seem like less of an alcoholic.  ralph is a funny word.

wobbly is also a funny word.

I ran over a racoon with a security vehicle one time.  made his eye pop out.  didn’t feel sorry for it at all.  I just imagined that he’d cheated on his racoon wife, and never paid child support to his racoon kids after the divorce.  bastard.  i’m glad i ran over him.

A really hot girl ran up to me today walking home from class.  i got excited, but she only wanted to tell me that i had “hair goop” in my hair.  she’s real nice.  probably has herpes too.  bitch. i meant to have hair goop glopped all over the back of my head.  leave me alone.

“dribble” is also a funny word.

Thank you for hearing my thoughts.  wait, i don’t even know you.  i have to pee.

Social Drinking?

by mdavfc

Maybe its just me, but i get sick and tired of hearing some lite weight twat saying they only drink socially. I hear this guy yapping about he only drinks when out to dinner or some function. Fuck you. In my opinion you drink to get pissed, not to fit in socially. Personally i never heard a crack head say theydo it to maintain social standing. Bullshit. Maybe I’m wrong as I finish my 4th 38 ounce stein of Old STYLE. (sorry for the promo). By the way I’m sitting next to the cunt as I attempt to write this, I hope his girl leaves him for drunk.(not me though)

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