- Published:April 15th, 2009
- Comments:3 Comments
- Category:Loony Bin
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3.33/5, 3 votes
Loading ...Another Essay:Truisms and observations
I once heard, “farting is always funny”. I’d like to think I’m more mature than that, but it usually is. Then again, pooping is always embarrassing. This is not just a generalization. This has universal verification. I’m talking across species.
When I walk my dog, I responsibly carry my innovative poop glove. But I’d like to think, that I’m not the only dog walker that lets the unobtrusive poop go. I mean, if your dog poops well out of the way of any sensible pedestrian path, or even conveniently in a concealed or obstructed location, that’s the god’s smiling on me. Of course, if it was in a spot where someone was likely to step on it…I’d scoop that poop. Even on a quick scan to see if there are any obvious witnesses, I’d still responsibly scoop that poop.
But I used to have a heroic dog, the “Super Pooper”. Well, really he was the secret pooper. He conveniently only pooped on, or behind, bushes. While this provocatively hints at the question of the morality of “To scoop, or not to scoop,” which was the tangent I followed on the above paragraph, it brings me back to the point of this essay. Even he thought pooping was embarrassing, so he hid it in a bush.
Pooping is always embarrassing. Have you ever had a date changed by timing your poop? C’mon, you’ve been there. “If I do it quick enough ( really blast this out) people will think I’m just peeing. Maybe they won’t notice how long I’ve been gone…
Pooping is always embarrassing. Which makes it funny. Think about the last time you almost peed your pants laughing at a movie. Was it the diarrhea scene in Along Came Polly with Ben Stiller on a date? How about the one in the Dumb and Dumber movie?
We hate to admit it, but “That shit” (so to speak), is funny. So funny it hurts.
Then there’s the dating experience. You’ve hung out, your relationship has advanced, and (whether it was on the first night in the restaurant, or the first time ever at “her/his place”) you have to poop. Uh oh. OK, I gotta try to be sly. “Why don’t you do”…something ridiculously simple, while I slip away as fast as I can, and hope you don’t notice, that I’ve been gone long enough to take as quick of a large “splat” as possible.
OK, that “sh*t’s” funny.
If anybody that reads this article, ever makes fun of the person releasing it all in a public toilet, “I’ll kick the sh*t out of you!”