Lost in Translation

by ArmedGeek

Yeah, I get that I’m pulling hind tit here as this film came out in ‘03. I JUST SAW IT THOUGH SO FUCK OFF. Essentially the movie is a nice non-sexual soulmate connection in a completely alien environment.

Could be just a matter of best-match in an alien environment.

But the two main characters really had a connection for lots of reasons.

This is why I feel so utterly alone.

The pain in the ass of the Internet is the knowing that there is someone like you out there in the world. So we’re left with our loneliness in addition to knowing that there is a soul-mate out there.

50 years ago you would not be aware of a similar personality elsewhere on the planet.

Yes, I get that I went off the rails here. Lost In Translation … there’s never been a more perfect display of non-sexual “mates” for the given environment. You’ve got two people who are utterly alone and manage to find each other. They each have needs that the other fill without more than barely a hint of sex. Everything these days seems to revolve around sex but .. life doesn’t.

Point is, I guess, that companionship can be found …. no… that soul-mates are not necessarily those you’re married to … no … that age is irrelevant …… no …. that like-souls will find each other in an alien environment …. eh, maybe …

fuck.

I’ve not seen a movie in recent history that made me feel as alone as this film and it was stil worth watching.

Always Sunny + Pickles + Magic Hat = Awesome

by murfylee

I am ashamed how long it took me to correctly type that title.

So, I love Always Sunny in Philly. It’s on, I’ve had 8(ish?) beers, and I feel prepared to rock your fucking faces off with this tale of disgusting rediculousness.

as told to me by a co-worker, and I just want to state, I am not Sarah, so quit asking:

Tim has been dating Sarah for a few weeks, nothing too serious and she won’t give it up, but he’s really into her, so he’s sticking with it. They’re at dinner one night, and she says, “I think tonight we should seal the deal” (probably phrased it differently, but that’s what I was told). Tim’s super excited, and on the ride home, Sarah says shit like, “I hope you’re into trying new things, I hope you like experimenting, etc.”. Tim’s thinking FUCKING SWEEEEEET!

They get back to her house, and they’re making out when she pauses, and reaches under her bed, and pulls out a blue tarp. He thinks, “fuck yes this is awesome, I got a freak!”. He thinks nothing of it, clothes come off, and when they’re both naked, she reaches over to her bedside table and pulls out a loooooong string of anal beads.

Tim looks at her in amazement, and says, “Sarah, I cannot believe you’re into anal! That’s awesome!”, to which she replys, “ummmmmm these are for you.”

Whoa. Tim’s head explodes. She SOMEHOW calms him down, and convinces him to put these anal beads  up his ass. Whatevs, they’re up there, he just starts smashing that shit like an Idaho potato.

At the height of passion, Sarah reaches around and rips that shit out like she’s starting a weedwacker. PPPPPFFFFFTTTTTT! He shits evvvvvvverywhere (which is where the blue tarp comes in). He is in pure shock, and Sarah leans over and says, “I want you to fuck me in your shit.”

Tim does, and leaves, and hasn’t seen her since.

I feel like a horrible person for a couple reasons:

1) I always tell this story to people I don’t know, and I think it’s funny, but I’m sure it just alienates them.

2) Who the fuck does that?

3) My best friend gave me a blue tarp for my birthday, and it somehow wound up under my bed, and I still can’t convince people I’m not Sarah.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed the story. I love to tell it. If you ever hear it, I probably told that person the Blue Tarp story. Sorry. It’s gross. Always Sunny is the best show ever.

Hoooooraaaaaay Magic Hat!

Just a quickie!

by mdavfc
  • Published:November 10th, 2008
  • Comments:1 Comment
  • Category:Human Nature
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Guess what? Yeah Im getting pissed, nothing new there. This is quick note to everyone who was in the habit of saying “It doesn’t feel like fall” well eat my balls, try raking the leaves in my yard you happy,smiley motherfuckers . Oh well at least it gave another reason to drink(like I needed any) Cheers to all you faithful. By the way its -2 degrees celcuis.  27 degrees fahreheit to you yanks, and 270 kelvin to silly motherfuckers. LATE.

P.S. good luck to all in the contest. FREE BOOZE IS STILL FREE BOOZE.

Confused squirrels goade purposeless acorns

by regorhunt02052

It is those crazy chipmunks ruining my day.  They squeech and squealch and fluff their feathery tales.  I have a puffy tail.  And who told my landlord he could evict my nextdoor neighbors?  They have been burrowing a place of their own for 10 days!!!  I woke up early yesterday morning and ate some red berries.  I was wired and scootered to Jimmy’s coven.  Bastards suckling on my tax dollars, they wouldn’t know a pseudo contingency from a an irrational purchase at WalMart.

And from the skum who drown in vain

“Duck n Run, avoid the cane!”

Protest the mindless,

Imbibe the best.

The Sucklers always fein interest.

Dibble

by wilkdaddy

The password they give you is REALLY hard to type after you’re rounding 14 drinks of whiskey.  Don’t judge me now, c’mon…even the bike cop was laughing as we attempted to walk home.

The bartender is way too hot, honestly..not even fair.  Flirting is a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen, believe me.  And she works for tips…probably has herpes.  Dammit, i still tipped her.  Now my money has herpes.  I didn’t like that money anyway.

Drunchies….drunk + munchies.  taquitos…glorious.  tastes even better with huey lewis on the radio.

I think my roommate just ralphed.  probably for the better, makes me seem like less of an alcoholic.  ralph is a funny word.

wobbly is also a funny word.

I ran over a racoon with a security vehicle one time.  made his eye pop out.  didn’t feel sorry for it at all.  I just imagined that he’d cheated on his racoon wife, and never paid child support to his racoon kids after the divorce.  bastard.  i’m glad i ran over him.

A really hot girl ran up to me today walking home from class.  i got excited, but she only wanted to tell me that i had “hair goop” in my hair.  she’s real nice.  probably has herpes too.  bitch. i meant to have hair goop glopped all over the back of my head.  leave me alone.

“dribble” is also a funny word.

Thank you for hearing my thoughts.  wait, i don’t even know you.  i have to pee.

Pets

by godfather
  • Published:September 12th, 2008
  • Comments:6 Comments
  • Category:Human Nature
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Alright, here I am again after a couple nonsense posts that involved too many topics and too many beers, but I’d like to talk to you about a serious affair: pets. Seriously, what the hell? You know how sometimes you finally look at a word sans its definition and common connotations, it finally is just noise that people have attached a meaning to? Well, that’s kind of like how I have come to feel about pets.

For Example:

Don’t think of the word pets, just think about what they basically are. Animals. Pets are animals. Animals are cool. I like eating animals. I am not a member of PETA, my basic goal is to point out how silly we are about animals. Other animals.

Animals

We take animals and lock them in our homes. They are our pets. We feed them. They are animals. Isn’t that a bit strange? I have no problem with keeping animals as pets, and no problem with when people eat them (delicious). I do think it is rather odd that we take an otherwise seperate animal and lock them in our homes.

It’s a bit curious, we take a lizard (let’s say an iguana), and lock it in a neat little cage attempting to recreate what its used to.  He surely won’t be doing much in his 16 oz world. I have no feelings for him, I just wonder what drives us to hide said lizard in a cage in our homes. Its odd at the very least.

Pets

Just think about it for a second. Outside of the box, per say. Our pets. Our dogs and cats and fish. What in thef hell are they doing in here?

Dogs that do shit for us, more understandable. Dogs that shit for us, less understandable.

By the way, I would say I am about 9 drinks in.