I am ashamed how long it took me to correctly type that title.
So, I love Always Sunny in Philly. It’s on, I’ve had 8(ish?) beers, and I feel prepared to rock your fucking faces off with this tale of disgusting rediculousness.
as told to me by a co-worker, and I just want to state, I am not Sarah, so quit asking:
Tim has been dating Sarah for a few weeks, nothing too serious and she won’t give it up, but he’s really into her, so he’s sticking with it. They’re at dinner one night, and she says, “I think tonight we should seal the deal” (probably phrased it differently, but that’s what I was told). Tim’s super excited, and on the ride home, Sarah says shit like, “I hope you’re into trying new things, I hope you like experimenting, etc.”. Tim’s thinking FUCKING SWEEEEEET!
They get back to her house, and they’re making out when she pauses, and reaches under her bed, and pulls out a blue tarp. He thinks, “fuck yes this is awesome, I got a freak!”. He thinks nothing of it, clothes come off, and when they’re both naked, she reaches over to her bedside table and pulls out a loooooong string of anal beads.
Tim looks at her in amazement, and says, “Sarah, I cannot believe you’re into anal! That’s awesome!”, to which she replys, “ummmmmm these are for you.”
Whoa. Tim’s head explodes. She SOMEHOW calms him down, and convinces him to put these anal beads up his ass. Whatevs, they’re up there, he just starts smashing that shit like an Idaho potato.
At the height of passion, Sarah reaches around and rips that shit out like she’s starting a weedwacker. PPPPPFFFFFTTTTTT! He shits evvvvvvverywhere (which is where the blue tarp comes in). He is in pure shock, and Sarah leans over and says, “I want you to fuck me in your shit.”
Tim does, and leaves, and hasn’t seen her since.
I feel like a horrible person for a couple reasons:
1) I always tell this story to people I don’t know, and I think it’s funny, but I’m sure it just alienates them.
2) Who the fuck does that?
3) My best friend gave me a blue tarp for my birthday, and it somehow wound up under my bed, and I still can’t convince people I’m not Sarah.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed the story. I love to tell it. If you ever hear it, I probably told that person the Blue Tarp story. Sorry. It’s gross. Always Sunny is the best show ever.
Hoooooraaaaaay Magic Hat!
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