Scapegoat alcohol

by peepants

The only reason I keep drinking is so that I have something to blame my behavior on. A couple of times I fucked up and didn’t drink before I did/said/wrote something stupid and I had to be truthful in that I don’t have to be drunk to do and say certain things. I just want the right to do/say/be/think/write what the fuck I want without bullshit thrown back in my face. And ’cause I like it.

Well, I don’t want to break the rules, so I’ll open that Mickey’s tall boy in the back of my fridge. Actually, I forgot it was there.

Everyone I know, who is interesting, drinks.

Gulp, sip, sip. I should learn to sip my beer.

Gosh, that is good and refreshing! Beer, when left in the refridge for a long time, is at it’s best. It’s not superficially cooled. This one was in the ‘fridge for about a week or two because I forgot about it The last beer or the forgotten beer is always the best. That is the beer that hides behind the mayo or under the lettuce or next to the rotting cucumber with slime oozing out of the bruise. I hate slimy, decaying veggies.

Or too lazy/fat/drunk/stupid to bend all of the way down to look thoroughly in the ‘fridge.

And although it is before noon, beer–even a malt liquor such as Mickey’s–is okay to drink. Mostly because I fkn say it is. Mood swings, uggh.

I like to do it when I drink. The canned version doesn’t have those freakin’ puzzles on it. You can determine your drunkenness by that dumb ass puzzle-especially if you save it and figure it out when you are sober. If you can’t figure it out then, well whatever.

A shot of whiskey wouldn’t hurt but I ain’t gettin’ up to go get it.

Now, I’m watching the news.

Why the fk would an appearance on SNL help Sarah “MILF-of-the-year” Palin get votes? How the f can you watch TV out on the street? Why would you care about SNL then? You need a TV and a place to sit. You gotta buy at least one drink sittin’ at a bar and tip well to get them to turn to SNL. (Depending on where you drink.)

I’m becoming a mean drunk.

All that damn money and banks still won’t loan. A lot of people will soon be drinking. Give up and drink. I wonder what goes through the mind of those who are in charge of this money bailout crap? Do they drink?

Naw, I bet they get high–weed and coke. I’m a lightweight–half a beer buzz and that’s it.