The Quest

by ArmedGeek

As I sit here drinking yet another Maker’s Mark on the rocks it is 9am here. My drunkenness at such an early hour is not as untoward as it would seem as I work nights. I’d like to share my current hobby with you, fellow drunks. I have recently begun a quest to march, one liquor at a time, all the way across a liquor store. Each week I choose a new liquor from the shelf, drinking only that new booze for the week. This week, obviously, is Maker’s Mark. I’m not really drinking the entire liquor store. I generally stay away from both the very top shelf (too damned expensive) and the bottom shelf (I could probably distill better myself). I am embracing the Modern Drunkard lifestyle and loving every minute of it.

I’ve grown to truly dislike the current state of society. People suck. Not very eloquent but there it is. People suck. Sure, there are exceptions. There are occasions when a stranger helps you with your bags or holds a door for you or just makes friendly conversation while standing in line at the grocery store. But mostly, people suck.

I’ve begun to appreciate the lifestyle of the Drunk so much so that I see it in my head that way. I’m not drunk .. I’m Drunk. Now I’m not embarking on a Leaving Las Vegas or anything as I still have faith things can improve. Hell, beyond the hope that society improves is the increasing feeling that I just don’t give a shit what happens to society.

We, the Drunks, should embark on a quest to independently make society better. Not their society. Ours. Fuck the sober people. The new world should be about us. Those of the steady .15BAC. Go out of your way to be nice to a fellow Drunk today. Offer a complete stranger a drink. More booze. For the good of mankind.

And for the good of the Drunks.

My top 5 booze related movies.

by mdavfc

During my tenure as  as avid beer and liquor drinker I have had the opportunity to watch (in a haze) what I consider to be the best drinking movies there are. The problem is that I’m pissed and having trouble remembering, so bare with me.( ie. get another drink). So here goes.

#5 Animal house/ Smokey and the bandit (tie).  Both great movies which involve the quest for beer.

#4 Leaving las vegas. A story of a man ( drunk ) trying to come to grips with  his life and fails, Comedy/ drama, you choose.

#3 Beer fest. Great flick, a bunch of Kraut descendants that battle real Gerries for the title of worlds best beer drinkers. (Highly recommended).

#2 Beer League. This movie is in my top 2 because of all the classic one liners, Plus these guys are playing SOFTball and the gratiutious bashing of Italians,AWESOME.

#1 STRANGE BREW. If none of you agree with this movie FUCK YOU.

Anyway this just my opinion and I would like feed back in case there are movies I have missed.

Cheers to all the faithful, you know who you you fucking monkeys.

P.S>If you watch all these in one sitting, mad repects you drunk.

You know what they need to sell……….

by ramdo43

…is frozen 1/4 sections of pizza…. No, i don’t want a mini pizza. I want a 1/4 of a pizza. Mini pizzas are a waste of time. and they taste bad.

my solution? break a frozen pizza over your leg. but tonight i’m not drunk enough, so it freaking hurts to crack the ‘za (that’s what i call it) over my knee. I have a pretty big welt on my leg right now and it hurts… so i’m writing about it and drinking another beer so the pain goes away…. god i’m not looking forward to class tomorrow.

So… my class tomorrow… a drawing class. a human figures class.

i have to pay for 3 credits to draw naked people for 3 hours, 2 times a week. AT 9 AM.

some of you may think… awesome! no… not so awesome…

for the first time like a month ago, i saw an uncircumsized penis…. one word.. wwoooooaaaahhhh.

ooo my za is done.

Back to my story…. uncircumsized dude… is like 50. very hairy. my first pose of him is BENT OVER. ASS FACING ME. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i’ve always hoped to god to never see that much of any male than i’m with. even for a brief second. nope. i saw this for about 1 min. i’m scarred for life.

old people should nt pose nude.

A quiet night at the bar.

by mdavfc

Is this too much to ask? The state I drink in has a bar law, your not 21 at 8pm get the fuck out. I like to drink, I don’t mind kids,  but if you give me guff at 9 pm ’cause my language is brash FUCK YOU. I have 4 year old beautiful daughter, she’s in bed, asleep. If you have your chud of a child  at the bar/diner that late they deserve to hear every f-bomb (fuck), C-slap (cunt) that spews forth from my foul mouth. I write this as a concerned parent and loyal servant to the intake of beer.

P.S. Why is it I get dirty looks when I get too loud watching hockey? Thats another rant.

CHEERS TO YOU FAITHFUL BOOZERS.

Scapegoat alcohol

by peepants

The only reason I keep drinking is so that I have something to blame my behavior on. A couple of times I fucked up and didn’t drink before I did/said/wrote something stupid and I had to be truthful in that I don’t have to be drunk to do and say certain things. I just want the right to do/say/be/think/write what the fuck I want without bullshit thrown back in my face. And ’cause I like it.

Well, I don’t want to break the rules, so I’ll open that Mickey’s tall boy in the back of my fridge. Actually, I forgot it was there.

Everyone I know, who is interesting, drinks.

Gulp, sip, sip. I should learn to sip my beer.

Gosh, that is good and refreshing! Beer, when left in the refridge for a long time, is at it’s best. It’s not superficially cooled. This one was in the ‘fridge for about a week or two because I forgot about it The last beer or the forgotten beer is always the best. That is the beer that hides behind the mayo or under the lettuce or next to the rotting cucumber with slime oozing out of the bruise. I hate slimy, decaying veggies.

Or too lazy/fat/drunk/stupid to bend all of the way down to look thoroughly in the ‘fridge.

And although it is before noon, beer–even a malt liquor such as Mickey’s–is okay to drink. Mostly because I fkn say it is. Mood swings, uggh.

I like to do it when I drink. The canned version doesn’t have those freakin’ puzzles on it. You can determine your drunkenness by that dumb ass puzzle-especially if you save it and figure it out when you are sober. If you can’t figure it out then, well whatever.

A shot of whiskey wouldn’t hurt but I ain’t gettin’ up to go get it.

Now, I’m watching the news.

Why the fk would an appearance on SNL help Sarah “MILF-of-the-year” Palin get votes? How the f can you watch TV out on the street? Why would you care about SNL then? You need a TV and a place to sit. You gotta buy at least one drink sittin’ at a bar and tip well to get them to turn to SNL. (Depending on where you drink.)

I’m becoming a mean drunk.

All that damn money and banks still won’t loan. A lot of people will soon be drinking. Give up and drink. I wonder what goes through the mind of those who are in charge of this money bailout crap? Do they drink?

Naw, I bet they get high–weed and coke. I’m a lightweight–half a beer buzz and that’s it.

PABST- OSERVATIONS AT THE BAR

by mdavfc

P - pratt sitting next to me.

A- assholes giving me shit.

B- bitchy waitress.

S- sloppy lite weights.

T- tired ass pick-up lines

OH well at least  I’ m piss drunk

P.S. sorry for the endorsement.

Next Page »