Please enjoy The Drunk Blog

• Published:July 21st, 2008
• Comments:1 Comment
• Category:How I Think Things Work
• Rating:

3.00/5, 1 votes
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Welcome back! Hopefully you're feeling a little tipsy and are ready to post some drunken ranting. Cheers!

First off, I’d like to thank the big Soup for the visit tonight, he fought valiantly but still managed to take second place to the man. By the way, I would be the man. I hate to be that guy, but Soup isn’t quite that guy. Soup is second to me. Count it.

Regardless, I respect the Soup. He does what the Campbell’s do, namely, rock the house. While this is something worth respecting, tonight, I’d like to talk about something more important: drug commercials.

Yeah, those cheesy commercials that ask you to ask your doctor about a drug that “might be right for you,” What the fuck ever, acid might be right for you. John. Lennon.

Drugs, God’s gift to man

Okay, I am not 100% sure what drug was being advertised, but the warning tag line went like this:

If you are suspected of or have a history of tuberculosis, please let your doctor know before taking XXX.

Okay, first of all, if I had a history of tuberculosis, I’d most likely be DEAD. Especially since TB is under-diagnosed because of the highly unlikely nature of your catching it. Although we have an effective measure of treatment for TB, we never see it anymore so it’s unlikely that your trusting doc would diagnose you properly. That means you die, maybe.

Okay, so what if I have TB and need said advertised drug..

You’re fucked. Not only once, but twice: give up. While this isn’t an advice blog, but you might consider that.

So, who cares if giant corporations influence public opinion about the most tested drugs in the word?

Fucking ME. That’s who. This is the way it works: the rich people fuck the poor people. The end. Good fucking God what other proof do you need? For example:

We just invented a new drug for restless leg syndrome. RLS is a very rare and uncommon disease that isn’t well understood.

So let’s take the public by storm and declare that any sensations in  the legs around bedtime are the result of a rampant case of RLS!!!!!

Try it. Lay in bed and try to feel those restless legs. I bet you can. If you try really, really hard. You can feel it? Yep, buy our drugs. Problem solved.

Okay, what else is ruining America?

Carlos Mencia.

Seriously, who thinks this guy is funny? I might be breaking new ground for this blog (besides the fact that I am one of the few who post) but seriously this show of “comedy” is absolutely pathetic. Reciting ridiculous racial stereotypes is NOT EDGY. It’s old hat and stupid.

HHAHHAHAHHHAHAH. Mexicans wear funny hats and LOVE TACOS!@@!!!1!!1! HAHAHAH.

Please stop. Sweet nectarine Lord please stop.

So, what is enriching America?

Movies that come from other countries. How fucking sad is that? Take In Bruges for example, a racist midget is killed by some asshole because he wants to avenge a child’s death (which apparently is wrong). The racist midget is high on coke and  thinks blacks and white are gonna go at it Manson-style. Then a guy karate chops him. Said midget is killed by said asshole.

I don’t even care. Midgets, come get me. You’re so small that I can take you no problem. Pussies.

Karate chopping a midget = awesome. Awesome = enriching America. Basic science.

Done.

Alright, I’m finished after about 12 drinks or so over an 3-4 hours period. I’m really drunk. I don’t even care that this is a pathetic article. It’s a fucking article and it fucking counts. Fuck.