- Published:October 22nd, 2008
- Comments:2 Comments
- Category:Loony Bin
- Rating:
5.00/5, 3 votes
Loading ...99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Fuck, that’s a lot of beer.
How do you put beer on a wall, anyway? I’ve thought many times about it, only been able to safely blog about it now.
Is the shit just sitting in glasses on an arrangement of shelves? cuz that’s a waste of beer. gets flat. And what the fuck kinda weird party are you at that you’re sitting around, passing around glasses of flat beer to each other, drinking out of the same glasses? Weird fucks. At least play some music or something. I don’t picture girls when i picture this scene.
But shit, if you can kill off 99 beers in one night, koodos to you. how many people are in this room if you can finish 99 beers? Let’s say an average college-aged male can finish 10 drinks without throwing his groceries into the kitchen sink (AVERAGE, guys, chill out…) that’s like 10 guys, drinking 10 beers each, sitting in a circle enjoying each other’s company…uh oh, it’s magic…
And these guys are seemingly so fuckin bored that they have nothing better to do than sit around and count the number of beers they have still magically stuck to their wall. Still can’t explain that one. I keep my ice cold Samuel Adams in a fridge, not stuck to my bedroom wall with super glue. Idiots. I like my beer in a home with friends setting, a crowded bar setting, not a circle of morons with beer glued to the wall. and maybe i’m a douche, but i never share my shit. get your own, dammit.
So you’ve probably gathered 10 guys to indulge in your wall beer…at best. in reality, it’s probably like 12 or 13 guys…(that’d be like 7 or 8 beers each…)…and really, i don’t see many chicks when i imagine this little party. I do picture party hats though. And all you do is pass around warm, bacteria-infected wall beer. I wouldn’t keep good beer on a wall, nor would any regular beer enthusiast. So you’re probably drinking piss beer, natty ice or something. And you probably didn’t even pay for it, you mooch. i hate people like you. If you’re gonna join in on your piss beer wall drinking party with no girls, at least pay your part. Or get out.
If someone goes to the bathroom, does that ruin the “passing around?” 99 beers, you better not lose your pace, or you’ll be drinking piss beer all night.
So if you find yourself playing this game, think back to the last time you got laid. Still thinking? I thought so. because this is a pretty lame game. You’re better off keeping your beer in the fridge, unless you think of a way to keep it on the wall AND cold. You’d be king of the party poopers. Congrats.
And oh yeah, yay tuesday. I need no other reason to celebrate.
2 Comments
somehow I am blinded by your remarkable insight and analytical authority on formulaic children’s songs.
yes, children, when was the last time any of you fuck’s sang that song? grade school on the bus is right. wilkdaddy excluded.
in catholic school, we weren’t allowed to say “beer”. we had to use the word “coke”. or “pepsi” or whatever the hell word we wanted to use was. as long as it wasn’t beer.
makes the song less exciting.
so now us grown-up catholic girls use the word “gin”.
we showed them.